Sequim Gazette Editorial and Letters to the Editor

As time passes, changes take place that are helpful to most people. However, although we try to adjust to them, we elderly often resist. Facial tissues are a good example of this phenomenon.

"In my time," Kleenex tissue was advertised by a cartoon character named Lulu. Lulu's assurance was "It always pops up," and with rare exception, that was true in Lulu's day. But then there were only little boxes of tissue. Today, there are large economy sizes and "It always pops up" only half the time.

When the bigger boxes are half empty, some sort of physics that I don't understand comes into play and the last half of the supply drops to the bottom of the box leaving no tissue accessible to pull; a tissue doesn't pop up. I looked for solutions.

The first, and most obvious, is don't buy the big boxes, stick to the smaller ones. However, I wasn't willing to give up the savings I got from the purchase of the larger ones without a fight. I reasoned that there must be a way to restore the procedure.

I had to get the top tissue up through the slit, right? I wet my finger, pushed it down through the slit and pulled it back up, fast. No good. Either my finger had already dried too much and the tissue fluttered back onto the stack or the sides of the little slit foiled the attempt. How about a small wad of gum? No, not enough sticking power. How about a hard candy that had been sucked on for a bit; they get real sticky.

I stuck an old Christmas candy into my mouth and tongued it until it was good and sticky. Then, being careful not to unsticky the working side, I put it on my forefinger, finished with a follow-up lick and shoved the finger down the tissue box slit. Voila, it stuck!

I pulled up swiftly and watched as the edges of the slit peel off both tissue and candy. So, I ripped open the box, took out the remaining tissues and set them down, boxless. That taught me why there is a slit. When I picked up a tissue, about 10 others came with it. I had eliminated the pop up feature.

OK, why not buy two economy size boxes and when the first one stops popping, start using the second one? Then, when that one is half empty, fill the first box to the brim with tissues from the second one. Don't do that. You can't get all those tissues through the little slit.

I'm sure you've guessed what I finally did: I resisted. I now buy only small tissue boxes.

There are other things that don't work the way they used to. As an example, there used to be events by which I could mark time. The garbage used to be picked up at the same time. I knew when the mail would arrive. And holidays? Columbus Day was the day Columbus discovered America. Washington and Lincoln's birthdays were celebrated on their birthdays. Is the Fourth of July still July 4?

Belt loops. Why are belt loops in trousers either too close to the buckle or too far away? Why are dish rags nothing more than wash cloths? Why aren't they porous anymore so the stuff can pass through instead of dirtying the cloth?

There also are changes in us oldsters that make a difference. Keyboards: Sometimes your fingers become misaligned with the keys. If that happens, instead of typing Louis Howard, you might type :piod Jpestf.

Computer keyboards now have small bumps on the F and J keys to help prevent this. Good idea; however, as we age, our sense of touch diminishes and we type :piod Jpestf anyway.

It is now possible to print prescription information sheets (scare sheets) with much more text on a sheet of paper. Who takes the most prescription medicines? That would be old people whose eyesight gradually diminishes.

Finally, modern technology has given us more and more choices. On my TV, my stereo and my DVD player, there are many wonderful functions: Sound, scan and skip, memory, menu and mute, power, previous and play, etc. There are 81 separate functions. I know how to use 12.

My advice for all of this? Don't get old.

Louis Howard lives in Agnew. He has written columns for The Reporter in the Sacramento Valley and the Sequim Gazette.